Not the intimidating trainer. Not the guy hogging three machines at once. You. And once you know that, everything changes.
Meet My Crabby Roommate
I know. You were expecting someone else. The guy who takes 45-minute rest breaks between sets. The trainer who critiques your form without being asked. But no. The person doing the most damage? They live rent-free in your head. And you probably know them well.
I call my inner critic my Crabby Roommate—a cynical 20-something who’s absolutely certain I’m not prepared for whatever I’m about to do. At 64, she has a LOT to say at the gym.
“You’re the oldest one here. Everyone can see you struggling. That 30-year-old is lifting twice what you are. You look ridiculous”.
For years, I believed her. I’d push through exercises I should have modified, pulling muscles to prove I could keep up. I’d stand in the front row—not out of confidence, but so I could obsessively check my form in the mirror. And I’d watch the young ones lift twice my weight while my Crabby Roommate whispered, “Look at her. Now look at you.”
Then I realized something that changed everything: my Crabby Roommate screams loudest when I’m doing something brave.
The Voice That Mistakes Growth for Danger
Here’s what you need to know about YOUR inner critic: it’s not evil. It’s trying to keep you safe. The problem? It’s working with old information.
Mine started at seven with a teacher who decided I wasn’t “college material.” Decades later, she’s still at it — just swapped the classroom for the weight room.
Your inner critic might stem from the kid who got picked last in PE. The teenager teased about their body. The parent who made offhand comments about your weight. These old wounds don’t heal themselves. And the gym? It’s a five-star resort for your inner critic.
The Backwards Compliment
Here’s what my Crabby Roommate doesn’t want me to know: her volume is directly proportional to my courage. She’s quiet when I’m on the couch. Silent when I skip the workout. Completely chill when I stay in my comfort zone.
But the moment I walk into a challenging class? The moment I try a heavier weight? She’s SCREAMING.
Which means her presence isn’t evidence I’m failing. It’s evidence I’m growing.
I’ve started treating her commentary like a weird, backwards compliment. Oh, you’re really loud today? I must be about to do something important.
And here’s a secret: while your inner critic is convinced everyone is watching and judging you, everyone else in that class is thinking: “I hope I don’t fall off this bike.” “Did I remember to turn off the coffee pot?” “Is that person struggling too? Oh, good, it’s not just me.” That woman who looks so confident? She has a Crabby Roommate too. I promise.
Once I stopped performing for an imaginary audience, I could actually use these tools.
Name, Claim, and Reframe® the Critic
- NAME: “What is my inner critic saying right now? What’s the specific lie it wants me to believe?”
- CLAIM: “My inner critic is trying to keep me safe, but it’s working with old information. I’m here to serve MY body, not perform for anyone else.”
- REFRAME: “The voice is loudest when I’m growing. Its presence means I’m doing something brave. I thank it for trying to protect me—and I choose courage anyway.”
Your Inner Critic Eviction Notice
1. Name Your Crabby Roommate. Give your inner critic a name and personality. Mine is a cynical 20-something. Yours might be a nervous aunt, a mean guy from high school, or a disappointed coach. Get specific.
2. Catch It in the Act. Next time you’re at the gym, notice when the voice pipes up and write it down. Seeing those thoughts on paper reveals how ridiculous they often are.
3. Talk Back. Develop a response. “Thanks for trying to protect me, but I’ve got this.” Find what works for you—kind, but firm.
Training for the Big Picture
Recently, in a strength training class, I attempted a weight I’d never tried before. My arms shook. I did six reps instead of ten. And I was grateful. Not for the reps — but for what they’re building toward. The slopes. The trails. The bike rides with my husband. I’m not training for the weight room. I’m training for my life.
Your inner critic will always be there. But they don’t get to be the landlord anymore. They can have opinions. They just don’t get a vote.
Andrea Mein DeWitt, M.Ed., PCC, CPCC, is the Global Authority on Cognitive Reframing and author of Name, Claim & Reframe: Your Path to a Well-Lived Life, recognized by NBC’s TODAY Show as 2023’s best motivational read (now available as an audiobook), and the companion Name, Claim & Reframe Workbook, that provides practical exercises for applying these principles. Through her coaching, workshops, and writing, she helps ambitious professionals transform their perspectives to unlock their full power and potential. Learn more at andreadewittadvisors.com.
