Are you happy? Do you enjoy your life? At first, these may seem like I’m asking you the same question, but when you take a closer look at the difference between happiness and joy, you’ll realize they are actually quite different. Often used interchangeably, happiness and joy share many similarities and may even feel the same at times. However, I believe understanding the distinction between the two, and the role gratitude plays in our lives, can change how we experience and enjoy life.
Happiness is often short-lived and usually comes in response to an outside circumstance. It’s situational and frequently tied to things beyond our control. Think about the things that make you happy. A new job, receiving a gift, going on vacation, or spending time with friends. These are all wonderful experiences, but happiness can be fleeting. Anyone who has ever rooted for their favorite sports team knows how quickly happiness can turn into disappointment. On the flip side, that frustration can just as quickly turn into excitement when your team, down by one in the bottom of the ninth, hits a walk-off home run. In a matter of seconds, your emotions completely change, even though you have absolutely no control over the outcome.
Joy, on the other hand, is more of a continuous sense of contentment. It’s a deeper appreciation for life that isn’t dependent on everything going your way. Joy is about being present, appreciating experiences, and recognizing what makes life meaningful. Even if your team loses, you can still find joy in having watched the game. You may not be happy with the final score, but you can appreciate the people you were with, the sounds of the ballpark, and the memories you created. The outcome may have been disappointing, but that doesn’t mean the experience wasn’t enjoyable.
Happiness is often connected to what happens to us. Joy is more about how we experience and appreciate our lives. And gratitude helps us recognize that difference.
With Thanksgiving approaching, November is a natural time to reflect on gratitude. We gather with family and friends, give thanks, and acknowledge the things we appreciate. But gratitude shouldn’t be something we practice only once a year, around the Thanksgiving table. It’s something we can incorporate into our everyday lives. And when we do, it can have a meaningful impact on our mental health and overall well-being.
Gratitude is more than simply saying thank you or recognizing the things in your life that deserve appreciation. It’s about developing an appreciation for what is already present in your life rather than constantly focusing on what’s missing. Research suggests that practicing gratitude can support psychological well-being, including improvements in positive emotions and life satisfaction. But I think one of its greatest benefits is that it encourages us to pay attention to our lives and recognize the ordinary experiences we so often overlook.
In my counseling practice, I frequently hear clients tell me that they’ll be happy when. I’ll be happy when I get a better job. I’ll be happy when I lose weight. I’ll be happy when I have more money, when the kids are older, or when life becomes less stressful. But why wait until when? Why leave the enjoyment of your life up to circumstances that may or may not happen? Even when people accomplish the goal they believed would finally make them happy, that happiness often doesn’t last very long. Before they know it, they’re focused on the next thing they believe will make their lives better. The goalposts of happiness are constantly moving, leaving that lasting sense of satisfaction just out of reach. And what a shame it would be to spend so much of your life waiting to enjoy it.
This is where gratitude becomes particularly important. Gratitude doesn’t mean giving up your goals or convincing yourself that everything in your life is wonderful. You can want a better job while appreciating the one you have. You can work toward improving your health while being grateful for what your body allows you to do today. You can experience stress, disappointment, and sadness while still recognizing the things that bring meaning to your life. Gratitude isn’t about ignoring what’s difficult. It’s about not allowing what’s difficult to overshadow everything else.
I often remind clients that you can have a bad day without having a bad life. Our minds naturally pay attention to problems, potential threats, and things that need fixing. While this serves an important purpose, it can also cause us to overlook the ordinary experiences that make life enjoyable. Gratitude helps us broaden our perspective and recognize that even when something isn’t going well, there may still be something worth appreciating.
This is one of the reasons I appreciate both Stoic philosophy and the Swedish concept of lagom, or just enough. Stoicism reminds us to distinguish between what we can and cannot control, while Swedish living encourages simplicity, balance, and an appreciation for everyday life. Together, they offer a different way of thinking about what it means to live well. Rather than constantly pursuing more, achieving more, or waiting for life to change, we can learn to appreciate what is already in front of us.
So how can you begin practicing more gratitude? You don’t necessarily need a gratitude journal or a daily list of things you’re thankful for. While those exercises can be helpful, I encourage people to think of gratitude as something they experience rather than simply something they write down.
Choose an activity you do every day. It might be drinking your morning coffee, driving your children to school, walking the dog, or going out for a run. Whatever you choose, make an intentional effort to be present. Savor that sip of coffee a little longer. Remember that your children won’t be young forever, and even those hectic morning drives will someday be memories. Notice the changing colors of the leaves, the crisp fall air, or the simple fact that your body allows you to get outside and move. Rather than thinking about everything you have to do next, appreciate what you’re experiencing right now.
Sometimes practicing gratitude is as simple as changing one word. Instead of saying, “I have to go for a walk,” try thinking, “I get to go for a walk.” This doesn’t mean every responsibility suddenly becomes enjoyable, but it can help us recognize the value in experiences we might otherwise take for granted.
As we celebrate Thanksgiving this month, I encourage you to think beyond what you’re thankful for and consider whether you’re truly taking the time to appreciate it. Gratitude isn’t just about recognizing what we have. It’s about enjoying it while we have it.
So I’ll ask you again. Are you happy? Or, perhaps more importantly, do you enjoy your life? Because you don’t have to be happy with every moment to find joy in your life. And sometimes, finding that joy begins with simply being grateful for the life you’re living today.
For more about lagom, check out my book Swedish Lagom. For more about Stoicism, I’ve written several books on the topic including The Stoicism Book of Quotes.
Kortney Yasenka, LCMHC, is a licensed clinical mental health counselor with over 20 years of experience providing individual, family, and group therapy, along with life coaching services, including specialized support for student athletes. She holds a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology with a concentration in Health Psychology from Northeastern University and is certified in trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy, integrating both traditional and ecotherapy approaches into her work. Throughout her career, Kortney has worked across community mental health settings, school systems, and private practice. She also has experience supporting veterans and active military personnel. In addition to her clinical work, Kortney is a published author whose titles include Swedish Lagom, The Stoicism Book of Quotes, The Marcus Aurelius Book of Quotes, Stoicism Quotes for Mind and Body, Stoicism Quotes on Money and Wealth and Swedish Christmas. She is also a contributing author in The Resilient Warrior.
