We live in a world with more choices than ever. You would think having more options would make life easier, but often it does the opposite. Which job should I take? Should I stay or leave? Should I say yes to this opportunity? Is this the right school, relationship, career move, or next step? What makes these decisions especially difficult is that you are often not choosing between a good option and a bad one. You are choosing between several good options. And somewhere along the way, you have developed the belief that hidden among all those possibilities is the right choice, the one that will guarantee happiness, success, security, or the least amount of regret. So, you do our research. You ask other people what they would do. You make pros-and-cons lists. You play out every possible scenario in your mind. Then you do it all again. Eventually, thoughtful decision-making can turn into overthinking.
The Stoic Swedish way offers a different approach.
One of the most useful Stoic principles for decision-making is the dichotomy of control, which is recognizing what is within your control and what is not. When making a decision, you can control how thoughtfully you approach it. You can examine the facts, consider your values, seek advice, and decide how you want to act. What you cannot control is exactly what will happen afterward. That is often where you get stuck. You aren’t simply trying to make a good decision; you’re trying to guarantee a good outcome. But there are no guaranteed outcomes.
You can take the job that seems perfect and discover six months later that it isn’t. You can turn down an opportunity and later wonder what might have happened. You can make the best possible choice with the information you have today and still encounter difficulty tomorrow. A Stoic decision, therefore, isn’t necessarily one that produces the outcome you wanted. It’s a decision you can stand behind because it was made thoughtfully and according to your values.
Psychologist Dr. Ellen Langer offers an idea that fits beautifully with this Stoic perspective: “Rather than struggle to make the right decision, what we should do is make the decision right.” Think about how much pressure that removes. Instead of believing that your job is to predict which path will produce the perfect future, you make the best choice you can and then turn your attention toward what you can control: what you do with that choice. This also helps you recognize three common certainty traps that can interfere with thoughtful decision-making: comfort, overconfidence, and control.
The first is comfort. You naturally gravitate toward what is familiar because familiarity feels safe. But familiar does not always mean better. Sometimes you choose a job, relationship, routine, or direction simply because you know what to expect. Stoicism asks you to examine that impulse. Am I choosing this because it genuinely aligns with my values, or because it feels safer than the unknown? Growth often requires being willing to tolerate some uncertainty and discomfort.
The second trap is overconfidence. Oftentimes you believe that you should somehow know exactly what to do. You tell yourself, I should be able to figure this out. But wisdom also means having enough humility to acknowledge what you don’t know. You don’t have all the information, and neither does the person giving you advice. The future contains variables you cannot possibly anticipate. Instead of demanding certainty, you can ask: What do I know? What don’t I know? And do I know enough to make a reasonable decision?
The third trap is control, and this may be the one most closely connected to overthinking. You convince yourself that if you think about something long enough, research a little more, or consider one more scenario, eventually you will eliminate uncertainty. The problem is you won’t. At some point, thinking stops producing clarity and starts producing anxiety. Overthinking can become an attempt to control an uncontrollable future.
This is where Stoicism asks you to change the question. Instead of repeatedly asking, “What is the right decision?” ask, “Which decision best reflects the person I want to be?”
The four Stoic virtues can help guide your decision-making. Wisdom encourages you to consider the facts and what experience has taught you, while courage asks whether fear is holding you back from a worthwhile choice. Justice reminds you to consider how your decision may affect others, and temperance encourages moderation and thoughtful action rather than impulsivity, excess, or emotion-driven choices. These questions shift your attention away from predicting outcomes and toward something much more within your control: your character.
Then we can add a little Swedish Lagom.
Lagom is often understood as not too much, not too little, but just enough. That philosophy applies beautifully to decision-making. Gather enough information. Ask enough questions. Consider enough possibilities. Give yourself enough time. And then decide. You don’t need every piece of information that exists. You don’t need ten more opinions. You don’t need to analyze every possible future. And most importantly, you don’t need to feel 100 percent certain before moving forward. Sometimes you have enough information to make a good decision long before you feel certain about it. Lagom reminds you that more isn’t always better, even when it comes to thinking.
The next time you are struggling with a decision, consider what is actually within your control. Notice whether you are choosing familiarity simply because it feels safer. Be honest about what you know and what you cannot possibly know. Consider which choice most closely reflects your values. Then ask yourself one final question: Do I have enough information to make a thoughtful decision?
If the answer is yes, perhaps it is time to choose.
It’s common to put enormous pressure on decisions because you imagine your life splitting into two completely different paths: choose correctly and everything works out; choose incorrectly and you have somehow ruined something. Life rarely works that neatly. Most decisions are not permanent verdicts on the rest of your life. They are simply the next direction you choose with the information available to you.
Stoicism reminds you to focus on your judgment, character, and actions rather than trying to control the outcome. Lagom reminds you when you have done enough. And Langer’s perspective reminds you that instead of spending your life searching for the perfect choice, you can put your energy into what happens after you choose.
Think carefully. Choose according to your values. Accept what you cannot know. Then move forward and make the decision right. You don’t need certainty to make a good decision. You need enough wisdom to choose and enough courage to move forward. That is the Stoic Swedish Way.
For more about lagom, check out my book Swedish Lagom. For more about Stoicism, I’ve written several books on the topic including The Stoicism Book of Quotes.
Kortney Yasenka, LCMHC, is a licensed clinical mental health counselor with over 20 years of experience providing individual, family, and group therapy, along with life coaching services, including specialized support for student athletes. She holds a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology with a concentration in Health Psychology from Northeastern University and is certified in trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy, integrating both traditional and ecotherapy approaches into her work. Throughout her career, Kortney has worked across community mental health settings, school systems, and private practice. She also has experience supporting veterans and active military personnel. In addition to her clinical work, Kortney is a published author whose titles include The Stoicism Book of Quotes The Marcus Aurelius Book of Quotes, Stoicism Quotes for Mind and Body, and Swedish Lagom. She is also a contributing author in The Resilient Warrior.
